Watch your mouth

Making sure my kids' first words aren't spelled like “$#&^!”

Editor's Note: This article originally ran on March 13, 2012 in The Maine Edge and is reprinted here with permission.

By Katy England

I'm not a party animal. I do partake of the occasional beer with dinner, but I don't smoke, don't go clubbing - heck, I hardly ever get out except to hit the office or meet with someone for work. Case in point, I am having a party this weekend to make baby food. Yep. Wild.

But I do have vices. I swear – as in cuss. Not just a little. A lot. I love swearing. I enjoying cursing like some people enjoy chocolate. And once I get started it's difficult to stop, and who would want to?

Until I tucked my six-month-old son and said, “I love you.”

And he looked at me and replied, “Ai ov ooo.” The intonation and spacing of those nonsensical syllables were so precise that my husband, overhearing, looked over at me and said, “Oh my God.”

Don't get me wrong,I know those weren't his first words. I know he didn't realize what he was saying (even though he clearly is one of the three smartest babies in the world). But I do know that it has begun. He hears what we say and is giving it back.

Now I have a swear jar. And I've already paid in close to ten bucks for f-bombs, s-words and witches with a b. I've paid in advance for those times when I can't lay hands on a quarter.

Though I have to admit, it's almost as fun not swearing as it was cussing like a sailor. I get to say all manner of delightful things, including “consarnit!”

Here's a list of great sayings or fill-ins that have been making an appearance since giving up cursing. Try to guess what sayings or expressions they're replacing and it makes this whole column more fun.

For Pete's sake – I've become incredibly vested in Pete's well-being. I'm sure he appreciates it.

For crying out loud – Kind of stating the obvious when you have three infants at the same time. Someone is, surely, crying out loud. Might even be me.

Drat! - Go on, say it. It's fun!

Gosh darn it – This is just cute, and you'll get looks.

Bless your heart – This one can actually change a frustrating moment to something kinder.

Oh, fiddlesticks! -   Another keeper. I should have been saying this much more often.

Diddly-squat – How awesome is this little gem?

The best part about improving my dastardly vocabulary is finding out when you say something slightly silly or cute, you feel better. It eases the tension in a way that full-blown cussing just doesn't do. Feel free to share your favorite non-swears. I could use them. I'm going broke.

Enjoy the enjoyable

Savoring the little things while they're little

By Katy England

There will always be something that is frustrating going on in your life – especially if you have kids. Because if it’s not happening to you, it’s happening to them. They will fight, whine, hit, sulk, get sick, be nosy, break things, have accidents and more. And if they aren’t, you are – be it a vehicle breaking, unexpected bills, needing to get work done, needing a break – the list of things to get stressed about is literally endless. You can drive yourself nuts – I have.

Which is why it’s important to make note of some of the nice things that go on in your life. Especially when it is passing so very quickly before our eyes.

The kids have always like the bus – the ritual of waiting for the bus has been filled with excitement since day-one. Pictures of the kids with grins lighting up their faces the first time the bus arrived is enough to lift me from a dark funk. If only we could all be so excited about our daily routine, right?

And since those first few days of clapping, and squealing with delight, things have evened out.  There is play, there is a bit of bickering – you know normal level stuff. But always enthusiasm when the bus arrives.

Lately though there was a change – right as the bus rolls up, all of the kids want to give mom and dad hugs and kisses. Which is something I love – I mean who wouldn’t right? So, I know it sounds like bragging – but hold on, it’s less bragging and more record keeping. Because here we are, in 2016 with walking, talking, mostly potty-trained human being who five years ago didn’t exist. And then they were babies and then toddlers and now they’re mini people.

And I don’t want to wax too sentimental, but I know that I won’t always be getting these hugs. I know that there will come a time when waiting for the bus becomes a chore (I remember waiting for a bus, my memory problems don’t go that deep). I just want to remember these things. I want to remember brushing their thistledown hair, and their full-on body-slam hugs when I pick them up. I want to remember the dance parties/exercise romps we have pre-bedtime. I want to wrap them up and put them in a box, because that’s as close as I can come to getting them to slow the heck down when it comes to growing up.

My son can already count to 18 and knows that’s when he becomes a grown up (let’s not spoil that little illusion). He also loves dragons and dinosaurs and Vikings. He was so excited about Smaug being able to talk, which was only trumped by his excitement about how people were able to kill Smaug – and you should hear him pronounce Smaug – it’s amazing.

And the girls hug each other. They will exclaim how they miss the other one if they aren’t in the same room. They will say goodnight (even after they have gone to the potty nigh on a dozen times after bedtime) and it never gets old.

Recently, after months and months of telling me not to sing, the girls are making requests. Requests! I could die.

And I know this is a screed of sentimental crap. But I need it to exist – because like the thistledown hair, and the hugs, and the raucous laughter – it might be gone, but I never, ever want to forget it. So I write it down – and it will go in my little box of memories.

Things change and stay the same

I don't have stock photos, so I take my own.

By Katy England

So, a few weeks back I changed jobs. For nearly 10 years I had been writing for The Maine Edge, an amazing arts and entertainment weekly run by my boss and friend Mike Fern. Then something I had daydreamed about, but had long since given up seeing happen manifested in real life: The Maine State Police offered me a job as their social media coordinator (I like to call it liaison, cause it sounds all cool and French). And my life changed – which when you’re in your mid- (not quite late) thirties can be weird and scary. But also awesome.

I wasn’t sure how this was going to work. Jumping into the great unknown is a young person’s game. But the cool thing about having decades under your belt when you change careers even scary things seem slightly less scary. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t have concerns – I mean, what if my interpretation of flexible schedule was different from their interpretation?

But small things really make a difference. Like having a weekend that isn’t dotted with writing and editing. It allowed us to just plan and do – instead of my old standby, plan, procrastinate and stress out. I always say, I don’t know if I did my best work under pressure, but that is when I did most of it.

For the first time in quite some time, we spent a weekend going to the library, hitting up the local playground, and doing yard-work. Nothing crazy, mind you. But it felt so normal I almost missed noticing it. These are all things we’ve done in the past (except the library, this was our first library excursion), but the biggest difference was we didn’t have to think about it.

And then I had a Monday holiday.  I know, most people barely think about Patriot’s Day, since it’s only observed in Maine and Massachusetts. But here it is – and I had it off. The last time I had a Monday Holiday was when I worked at the Bangor Daily. Police beat always fell on Monday, so I could round up weekend crime. But I didn’t have to do that.

I had a day off. It was amazing.

Of course, the kids were on spring break, so it’s not like I really had it off. But it was still amazing. They helped me pile scrap wood in the scrap wood pile. Willingly. I only note that because I will want to remember that when I have to beg for them to help with things.

So, as we all know, change is hard – but sometimes it’s good. And so far, so good.

We interrupt your program with life

(Originally published in The Maine Edge on March 7, 2012)

(Also, after a certain point you just watch kid shows)

Movie nights with a full house

We knew life was going to change when we decided to start a family. Sure, we weren't expecting triplets, but we were expecting a baby and everything that came with it – sleepless nights, less social life, chaos and whatnot. And we got all that.

But we're learning how to still squeeze in some “us” time. And since neither my husband or I ever really hit the nightlife hard, “us time” mostly involves trying to watch a movie or television show.

The first thing we learned was, watch TV when the kids are eating or napping.

Use the English subtitles. Unless you want to pause it every time someone needs a pacifier, wets a diaper or just wants to have an in-depth conversation with Grover.

Watch movies that don't require too much concentration. Weak plot? Great! I still won't be able to follow it, but now I won't feel so bad.

This doesn't mean you can't watch Academy Award-winners; it just means it will take longer if you hope to absorb what's going on. I was able to watch “The Help” - over the course of two days.

Netflix has become our best friend. We don't watch regular TV – and before you think this is out of some misguided, hipster snobbery, it's because we don't have the option for cable, and paying $50 a month for reruns on satellite TV seemed silly. We pay less than $20 to get 3 DVDs, and we watch shows and movies we want to see, commercial free.

But not without interruption.

If you want to forgo television altogether (more power to you), and still want to get some reading done while infants are in the house, consider reading your novel to the kids out loud.

All the experts agree, reading to your child is fantastic. They may not understand, but they love to hear your voice. It teaches them language, syntax and all manner of great things. And if you want to read them slightly age-inappropriate bits from your favorite mystery novel, they probably won't notice.

Yay, multitasking!

Taking back the house

(We noticed you had put our toys in here. Don't worry,
we fixed that.)

(This was originally published on Feb. 29, 2012)

The first few months are rough. We've been over this. Especially with multiples. You don't sleep, you free time has evaporated, your chores have quadrupled (I don't care how many kids you have) and you're operating under a cloud of chaos. Laundry piles up, dishes pile up, when did you vacuum last?

Then suddenly, you turn a corner. More sleep is happening all around. And the combination of sleep deprivation training and actually getting more sleep helps clarify your situation. You don't have to operate in panic mode. At least not all the time.

We came to this realization a couple weeks ago. We were looking around at some of the clutter in our house, and as if he was reading my mind, my husband said: “I'm planning on taking care of some of this. A little each day.”

And that was that. We both began to tackle small chores, and cram them back into our daily routine. Easy stuff like dishes and laundry first, but adding on extra bits – reclamation of the parts of the living room, clearing off baby stuff from one of our easy chairs, breaking down the bazillion cardboard boxes that we've accumulated from various infant accoutrements (diapers, wipes, toys, furniture).

But let's be clear - we don't clean rooms. We clean fractions of rooms. We do what we can when we can do it. But it's been working. Taking 10 minutes to clean off the easy chair one day, 20 minutes to rediscover the top of my bureau - and looking at a project in small pieces is far easier than attempting to tackle an entire room, especially when you have to stop to cuddle, change or play with babies.

It's fun looking around the house for the ever shrinking list of projects, all the while trying to balance the constant flow of regular chores.

A few things we've done seem staggeringly obvious in hindsight – but when you're a sleep deprived zombie juggling bouncing babies, “obvious” becomes meaningless.

-Do the chores where the babies are.

If your kids are downstairs and your laundry is upstairs, bring it down to the living room and fold it. Duh? Yeah, it took me a few months to master that little gem. All because in my previous life, I had folded my laundry upstairs.

-Don't kill yourself.

It's easy to look at a mess and get overwhelmed, especially when you're dealing with extra chores that stem from baby care. And if you overwork your already-tired self, you're going to be disinclined to continue with the routine. So keep it simple. Break rooms down into manageable parts (e.g. organize the coffee table one day; clear out a cluttered corner the next).

And as you start taking back your house, you'll feel better about life. It's like getting dressed. When you look better, you feel better, and you are better. Same applies with your living room.

And to be clear, my house is never going to be “clean” - at least not in the Martha Stuart sense of the word. There will be toys on the floor (I just located a squishy fabric ball under my feet), and mail on the table. But it will be a controlled chaos. Or at least less chaotic chaos. Works for me.

(P.S. 2016 reality check: You will win and lose this battle with your house. It's okay. You are not alone. You can do it.)

Get dressed!

(Originally published Feb. 15, 2012 in The Maine Edge)

(Not a pajama top. Surprisingly)

When you add kids to your routine, you basically add more time than you physically have to your schedule. Especially if you have more than one at the same time. This means you tend to let things go. Cut corners, as it were. You do their laundry instead of your laundry. Wash their dishes (bottles) instead of your dishes. And suddenly you realize it's 5 p.m. and you're still in your jammies – and is that the guy who's coming to fix the heater? Crap.

I've learned that you need to make excuses to get dressed. It's one of the best things you can do to make you feel like a real person again. And the more you feel like one, the more you can act like one.
Here are some ways to ensure you get dressed.

Schedule appointments where you must leave the house. Be they doctors visits, work-related meetings, home nurse meetings - whatever. Get dressed.

Invite your friends over. Preferably friends who will rib you gently about looking like an unmade bed. Schedule a girls' night, make it a point to wear that cute thing you bought, or the heels you like, or as a chance to finally get that hair cut you've been putting off for a month.

We know it's hard to focus on you when there are much more important things to be thinking about. But I think there is truth in the statement that looking better is feeling better. When I look put together, I feel more competent, I act more competent and therefore I am more competent. And getting into that mental space isn't just good for you, it's good for your whole family.

Yes, this might be spoiled by an ill-timed spit up or diaper malfunction. But who cares? You have more than one pair of pants and more than one halfway decent shirt. Most of these stains will come out. And it's OK if you have to bring a couple things to the dry cleaner.